too many cartwheels

Sometimes it’s just too much to take, something that frustrates my days and leaves me in a little bubble of my own; give it one touch and I’ll snap. I worry that perhaps I’m just a little selfish, that I really don’t care about anyone but myself, but I just yearn for just a little ease on what I take.

Do I get too involved? I guess so. Perhaps I’m looking too eagerly for things like these, to such a point that people just open up to me in levels I can’t even fathom myself. There’s just so many; it scares me to think that the person at fault would be me.

I get through with this as often as I can, but as this newer life continues I feel it growing heavier. The people add on, the stories make friends, and I struggle to find a way to keep this all aligned. So when I disappear for just one day, or let out an expression just a little too harsh, seeing how they react just makes me fall even deeper into such a mind-whirling pool of confusion on what it is I should do. Taking my steps elsewhere for even just a second leads me to feeling incredibly guilty.

Despite it all, there are undoubtedly those who know how to put my mind at ease. They aren’t people I have to tell this all about, because why would I tell anyone? Having them around just talking to me is enough to lift my spirit a little higher. And I’m incredibly grateful for them. I don’t think they realise, but I sure hope they’ll know it sometime. Besides, if I told them I think they’d frankly find it quite strange really.

Given this time, I suppose I can really think things out. The unimportant stuff is out of my head now, and my friends have always been the ones to help hold up the right filters. Call it a stressful day, another one I’m going to have to push to get through, but hopefully that’s a saying I won’t be saying too much from now on.

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you’ve been painting Glum on you

My nose never approved of the likes of you,
I felt a riot in my brain,
My conscience split into two.

I thought I’d rather not put up with you,
But Delusion, his eyes,
So filled with delight;

I was despicably daring to fall for you,
Said “He’s got your tail now, Love!”
Couldn’t deny what was true.

Should’ve probably left what was left of you,
But the dirt held me back,
Said to get my hands off the cracks.

No doubt it was then did I see,
How the smoke had aligned with you.